Oh Dear, Oh Yes! Oh No!

Oh dear. Nobody else was supposed to know until he crashed into a tree and a hydrant. Then a few days after that infamous accident, so many kinds of stories appeared out of the woods that Crouching Tiger Hidden Birdies is going to be the next Hollywood top-seller for the near future.

Oh dear. Prof Khoo Kay Kim made a statement about the product of Chinese schools being students who merely memorize stuffs as opposed to those who study to understand them. Today, this emeritus professor and once well-respected academician is under fire from Chinese school proponents who even challenge him to a public debate.

Anwar Ibrahim's appeal to the Court of Appeal was thrown out because the documents were not files in the national language. Oh dear, oh dear. Wonder why the clerk accepted them in the first place.

Oh yes! The feet of Old Horse ('Ma') may not be as speedy as they used to be but he's certainly not any worse where his mouth is concerned. When political leaders (including government ones) are asking for a revamp of the BTN syllabus, Old Ma said it was not necessary, that it was good and all that. In response, a minister (from the same political party) whacked him good and proper and blatantly branded him a racist, oh Yes! Many people are of the opinion that this Old Ma should just keep quiet and stay retired.

Oh no! Now the DPM says MCA should have fresh elections as soon as possible. Don't know where he got that enlightenment from; it was certainly not from his boss the PM cos the PM never said so. Don't know what the MCA is going to do next, but if the party holds elections 'as soon as possible' because the DPM said so, that will be the end of the party.

Any other "Oh No"s from readers?

".. the final decision will rest with the PM."

Did you get that? That is a loaded statement: "... the final decision will rest with the PM" (as reported in the English dailies yesterday). The warring parties could not agree. They have been at loggerheads for months. Team A proposed a certain formula but Team B has a different formula. Both are from the same party: MCA. No wait, let me rephrase: both are leaders from the same party, MCA.

Now we have the situation where leaders from the same party cannot agree. So what happens? Someone from outside the party has to come in to make a 'final' decision. No doubt that someone is the PM, but he is not from the MCA.

The PM says that the dispute within the MCA must be resolved quickly in order for the party to continue getting the confidence and support of the Chinese. Of course he is right. But it would be counter-productive if the dispute has to be solved by someone outside the party. In fact, it would even be worse, because the perception is that the leaders of the party cannot solve their own problems and need someone outside to find them a solution. Think that will bring back the 'confidence and support' of the Chinese to the MCA?

Purleeeze.

MAS Golden Lounges and CIMB Preferred Lounges

The wonderful thing about flying Business Class on Malaysia Airlines is that you can enjoy a 5-star meal at any of their Golden Lounges (KLIA, Singapore Changi, etc) prior to your departure. There is no time limit, meaning if you have an evening flight at 8 pm, you could go to the lounge at 11 am, have a sumptuous lunch, sit there and surf the Net till 6 pm and have your dinner at the same place before boarding your 8 pm flight. All you need to show is your Business Class (of course, First Class too) boarding pass.

Ah, but there is a caveat. Did you catch it when I mentioned 'boarding pass'? The Golden Lounge is only for departing passengers. Arriving passengers are not included on their list.

Here is where the MAS Golden Lounges differ from the CIMB Preferred Lounges. There are also lounges for CIMB Preferred members in many airports around the world (called Premium Towers), and the delightful thing about them is that BOTH departing and arriving passengers are welcome!

Now, do you know what that means? That means you can have a sumptuous lunch at the KLIA CIMB Preferred lounge, fly into Singapore and have another wonderful meal in Changi! All with compliments from CIMB.

No wonder then that Fishtail, after arriving in Singapore at 7 pm today, is still in Changi Airport at 8-30 pm.

Three Apologies

Australia's Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, apologized recently to hundreds of people who were forcibly shipped to Australia from England when they were children. They were taken from their families and placed in institutions in Australia where many of them were subsequently physically and emotionally abused. Those kids, now in their 60s and 70s, were made to believe that their parents were dead, and were part of a plan to clear orphanages in England after World War II.

Henry, Captain of France's World Cup football team, used his hand to instrument a goal against Ireland, resulting in Ireland being kicked out of the World Cup qualifications. A day after the "Hand of God" goal, Henry apologized to all the Irish people in public. Looks like Irish eyes won't be smiling very much at the World Cup Finals next year.

Chin Peng finally apologized for the role of the Communist Party in the killing of hundreds of innocent people (mainly Chinese) during the 1948-1960 insurgency. That was his first apology after more than half a century. Perhaps the most poignant response was from a reader who wrote: "Chin Peng, you said you want to come back to Sitiawan to visit your father's grave. Can you tell me where is my father's grave?"

Three apologies; all too late, too little.

The Mother of All Cruises

From the front, she looks like a Reject-Shop sardine can. From the side, she looks like a beached whale that has lost her way.

But this huge lady has not lost her way. On the contrary, she has just found her way home: Florida. Describing her as a whale is an understatement; she is FIVE times bigger than the Titanic and almost 3 times bigger than the Superstar Virgo. And yes, she's also bigger than the Queen Mary II.

We are talking about the biggest cruise ship ever built: the Oasis of the Seas. This ship is unlikely to come to our waters. A cruise on it would be the Mother of All Cruises, something to be remembered for a very long time.

Come September, Fishtail is going to be on it ... yippee!!

The Unkindest Cut Of All

Thirty years ago, Mr & Mrs Average Wage Earner (AWE) took a loan to buy themselves a double-storey link house, paying a modest down-payment to keep the loan amount to a minimum. The average double storey house then was about Rm70-000. There, they raised their kids.

Twenty years later, they managed to pay up the loan and continued to stay in their house. With the monthly instalment done away with, Mr & Mrs AWE were able to put in some modest renovations to their house, such as extending the kitchen, adding an extra water tank, replacing the faucets, etc.

Today, their kids have families of their own and have started paying a modest condo of their own. (Unlike their parents, young working adults nowadays prefer to buy condos.) Thus, with their nest emptied and facing retirement, Mr & Mrs AWE are seriously considering selling their house that they have lived in for 30 years, to buy themselves a 3-room condo as well. After all, they no longer need a 5 room house and all the cleaning needs that come with it. By their calculations, they could get about Rm450-000 for their house from which they could buy a comfortable condo for about Rm230-000, leaving them spare cash for their twilight years.

But ... with the latest Real Property Gain Tax (RPGT) wef 1 January 2010, they would have to pay a 5% tax on their declared profit, or 5% of Rm220-000, or Rm11,000-00. They would have to pay this tax regardless of the number of years they have held the property (unlike the earlier version of the RPGT that stopped at 6 years). That means this elderly couple would have Rm11k less to spend in their old age. To people like them, 11k is a huge amount of money to have to give away as tax.

Now why would a caring government that cares for its citizens do such a cruel thing to elderly people like Mr & Mrs AWE?

The Seventh Turn-Around

Turn-Around No 1. Before the 10-10 EGM, Ong said he would step down even if he lost by one vote. After the EGM and having lost Resolution No 1 by many votes, he refused to step down.

Turn-Around No 2. When Ong gave instructions for a fresh EGM after that 10-10 EGM, many delegates said it was unnecessary. Days later, they insisted that a second EGM was absolutely necessary.

Turn-Around No 3. After a whole year of anger and mud-slinging, Ong and Chua then turned around to each other and shook hands over a Unity Plan. That was a good Turn-Around (nobody said all Turn-Arounds are bad).

Turn-Around No 4. The ROS had said they would 'not interfere'. Yesterday, they did a turn-around and declared Chua the rightful No 2. This Turn-Around immediately got Liow into the history books as the shortest serving Deputy in the history of the Party, something he probably would not want his grandkids to read about.

Turn-Around No 5. Four delegates including a serving Deputy Minister were on their way to a big meeting on Tuesday when they received news that they had all been sacked. They had no choice but to turn their cars around (maybe go yam-char at a kopitiam).

Turn-Around No 6. Ong, who gave instructions for a fresh EGM, now said that was not necessary any more.

Many people say seven is a complete number. We already have 6; what do you think would be Turn-Around No 7?

Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest

Dumb: MCA 'clash of the titans' going through one EGM after another.

Dumber: New policy (Budget 2009) to have mandatory inspection for all cars more than 15 years old before renewal of road tax. (Everyone knows this is a disguised move to get people to buy new cars.)

Dumbest: Proposed service tax of Rm50 on each credit card, on the excuse of 'prudent spending'.

Malaysia Airlines' Preflight Services that Other Even Airlines Talk About

Mr Mohd Hamzani Hamran, Senior Reservations Officer of Malaysia Airlines, seriously needs to attend night classes in Communications Skills. On Friday 23 Oct, he sent me a short e-mail as follows:

PLEASE BE INFORMED YOUR NEW FLIGHT TIMING AS BELOW

MH1161/25OCT PENANG TO KUALA LUMPUR DEPARTURE AT 2000PM ARRIVE 2100PM

I checked my confirmation note. My flight was MH1155, not MH1161. So why did he tell me about MH1161's new flight timing? I called the toll-free number and asked that question. The man said, "Hold on, sir." A few moments later, he said my flight MH1155 had been cancelled "for technical reasons" and they had put me on MH1161. You got to give it to these guys; they could tell 2 days in advance that their plane was going to have technical problems.

"Leaving Penang at 8 pm is too late for me; can you put me on the 4 pm flight?"
"Hold on, sir." Then, "sorry sir, that flight is full. But we can put you on the 10 am morning flight if you wish." I said that was too early. When he said sorry, I used the magic word. "Firefly! Then put me on Firefly; there's one leaving at 4 pm."

"Sorry sir, that's full."
"That's not full. I have it on my screen and it's still selling." (In other words, don't try to bluff me, dude.)
"Sorry sir, we can't do that unless all the MAS flights are full."
Did you get that? That meant even if there are still seats left on the midnight flight, they will put me on the midnight flight and not on any alternative Firefly flights.
"No, I was put on Firefly 3 weeks ago when my MAS flight was cancelled."
Hold on, sir.

Can you give me your booking number of 3 weeks ago?
No, that was 3 weeks ago and I've thrown away my confirmatory note.
Hold on, sir.

We can only put you on Firefly if it is a Series 9 flight. That means it's coach sharing with MAS, and ...
Hey wait wait! Don't give me all these technical stuffs. You cancel my flight, your alternative flight is either too late or too early and that's not acceptable, so just put me on Firefly like what happened 3 weeks ago.
Hold on, sir.

Finally, Mr Hold On Sir came back on the line and said everything was ok, "You are now on Firefly FY2089 departing 4-10 pm. Just check in with the same booking number one hour before departure." Wow, I was soooooo happy. I even envisaged myself taking not one but two muffins from the Firefly air-hostess.

Then you know what happened? On Sunday, I confidently went to the Firefly counter in Penang and this was what the ground stewardess told me:
"Sorry sir, we can't issue you a boarding pass."
"Whaaaat!! Why not? The MAS guy said everything was alright and see, you even have my name on your system."
"There is a payment problem, sir."
"Can't be. I've paid MAS. Here, this is the proof ..."
"You see, sir; you have paid MAS but MAS has not paid us. So we can't issue you a boarding pass."

Believe me, readers, you can always depend on MAS for pre-flight services that even other airlines talk about.

Life After 10-10: The Ong, Chua and Liow Cycle

Immediately after the 10-10 EGM (now if you ask, “What 10-10 EGM?” you’ll have to read the previous post first), Chua announced that Ong should step down (aka Resolution One) and fresh elections held. Ong withdrew from the spotlight for 4 days and reappeared on the following Thursday. The following events then happened.

Ong refused to step down. Liow was appointed the new No 2, a place previously held by Chua.
Ong then ordered another EGM to decide whether or not to hold fresh elections. Liow then told the media he didn’t think having another EGM was a good idea. Next, Liow told Chua to 'toe the line'.

So, Chua is mad with Ong for refusing to step down,
Chua is not happy with Liow for occupying his position,
Liow is happy with Ong for endorsing him as the new No 2,
Ong is not happy with Liow for disagreeing with him publicly on the second EGM,
Chua is happy that Liow disagreed with Ong publicly,
Liow is happy that Chua also does not want another EGM.
Chua is not happy with Liow for not pressurizing Ong to step down.
Ong is happy with Liow for not pressurizing him to step down.
Ong is not happy with both Chua and Liow for not wanting a second EGM.
Chua is not happy with Liow for telling him to 'toe the line.'
Liow is not happy with Ong for calling him a 'betrayer.'
Chua is happy that Ong is not happy with Liow.

And Fishtail is having migraine just thinking about all this.

Spain, Argentina, and the MCA

Ong Tee Keat didn't see it coming. After launching the 1MCA 1Party thingy 2 days before the 10-10 EGM and reading the reports of the so-called political analysts that said the delegates wanted a stable party, he was so confident that he would nail his opponent once and for all and be returned to indisputable power in the party. When the no-confidence vote (Resolution One) was announced, he must have gripped his heart with utter disbelief. When the suspension of his opponent was annulled (R Two), he could see the earth opening up and flames reaching up to consume him. His saving grace was that his opponent was not reinstated as Deputy President (R Three). At the end of it, he couldn't deliver a victory speech that he had rehearsed, but instead gave the pathetic 'I am still what I am' one-liner.

Chua Soi Lek, barred from the EGM, was in constant contact with his informers, possibly from the Nikko Hotel next door. When the no-confidence vote (R One) was carried, he must have pumped his fist in victory. When his punishment was annulled (R Two), he must have put on his coat and readied himself for a victory media conference, patting a speech that he too had rehearsed. After winning the first two resolutions, clinching the third was a foregone conclusion, thought he. So he too must have gripped his heart in agony when he was not reinstated. With no victory speech, the only thing he could think of was, "The President must go; his head must roll."

Now 4 vice-Presidents are eyeing the top post. Kong, the most senior in terms of votes won at the last AGM, tops the pecking order and says he is ready. Others down the line include Liow and Ng, who could be the first woman president (why not?). Others further down the line are on a 'wait and see' basis.

One man who must be cursing his luck must be the other Chua. He lost to Ong Ka Ting for the top post, then lost to Ong Tee Keat last year. This would be the right time to go for third-time-lucky, but alas, he jumped ship to PKR a few months ago. Sad case of bad timing.

By now, it's probably easier to predict whether Spain and Argentina will qualify for the World Cup than predict who is going to be the next MCA Head.

Refugee Centre Fleeing Scenerio at Penang Airport

Penang International Airport, Sunday 4 October.

7-20 pm. Holding a Malaysian Airlines (MAS) confirmation note for MH1165 scheduled for departure at 8-40 pm to Kuala Lumpur, I checked in at the MAS counter. It was a breeze. Just before leaving the counter, I asked the sarong-kebayaed girl, "Any delays for this flight?" She replied, smiling faintly, "Maybe just 5 mins, Sir." I walked away happy.

7-30 pm. At the departure gate, I heard the announcement over the p.a. system, "Due to late arrival of aircraft, MH1161 is now scheduled for departure at 8-50 pm." Boy, was I happy that my flight was MH1165 and not MH1161, which by the way, was originally scheduled for departure at 7-30 pm. Those dudes are in for a 100 minutes delay, I said to myself looking at a bunch of unhappy people.

7-40 pm. To my horror, I saw on the Departure screen, "MH1165 cancelled". Hey, that's my flight! The flight is not delayed, it's cancelled! I had a minor cardiac seizure. Someone from the delayed MH1611 asked, "Are you alright?" I told her, "Your flight is delayed; mine is now non-existent!"

7-50 pm. I dashed straight to the departure gate for MH1161 and told the two staff there that my MH1165 had just been cancelled, so could they put me on MH1161 that was leaving at 8-50 pm? The reply, "Sorry sir, we're giving priority to those with connecting flights from KL to Europe. Do you have a connecting flight to catch?" No. "We can put you on the later flight that's leaving at 10-40 pm." Then the announcement: "Passengers on MH1165 to KL with connecting flights are requested to make themselves known to MAS staff at Departure Gate 10." I looked around me; sure enough, a group of anxious looking Europeans and Indian nationals was approaching.

8-00 pm. I dashed back to the check-in counter, to the same girl who checked me in less than 20 minutes ago. "You said '5 mins delay', now the entire flight is cancelled. Could you put me on MH1161 that's leaving next?" "Sorry sir, we're giving priority to those with connecting flights. But I can check you in for the next flight, MH1167, departing 10-40 pm." Resigned to a long wait, I said ok, because getting a boarding pass for that meant I wouldn't have to compete with the others from the cancelled MH1165.

8-15 pm. I went back to the departure gate. It was now near chaos. The MAS staff were busy dealing with concerned passengers.

"When you arrive at KL, our Delay Team will take you to a hotel." Bet you don't know MAS has a Delay Team, do you?

"Don't worry, Madam, you will be given priority upon landing in KL and taken to your London flight."
"You have all got connecting flights to Dubai, right? OK, please board the plane now."
"Don't worry, Sir, we will arrange for you to fly off on the next flight."

8-30 pm. Other passengers were exchanging notes with one another. Meanwhile, MAS dropped another bomb: "MAS MH1167 has been delayed." That's my 'new' flight. Did you get it? My original flight is cancelled, and now the replacement flight is delayed to a yet unknown time. I have visions of me missing the last LRT back, and having to pay the earth for a cab. I even thought of staying a further night in Penang and calling the college to reschedule my classes for Monday.

8-40 pm. I overheard one of the MAS staff telling a passenger that she would see if Firefly, departing 9 pm, had a seat for her. After two phone calls, she asked the passenger to see Mr Osman at Counter 19. Before the passenger could pick up her bag, I did a Usain Bolt sprint to Counter 19, found Mr Osman, and told him I too wanted to get on Firefly. 4 others joined me later. Osman took our boarding passes and headed inside an office while we waited outside.

8-50 pm. Still no Osman; that meant we would miss the 9 pm Firefly flight. Worse, we didn't have our boarding passes since they were taken away. Someone then came along and said the next Firefly was at 10 pm; and they were already calling for boarding.

9-10 pm. Osman finally came back and said Ok, we could get our boarding passes on the 10 pm Firefly at Counter 21. I did another Usain Bolt sprint to Counter 21, and couldn't believe I was actually given a Firefly boarding pass.

9-20 pm. Heading to the Firefly boarding gate, I passed the MAS boarding gate and met those passengers still waiting for the delayed MH1167. A girl said to me, "There are 6 of us, but the MAS staff said there were only 2 seats left." When she knew I got myself put on Firefly, she just shook her head in silence.

9-50 pm. On board Firefly (finally!). I looked around me; there were still some empty seats. More people from the MH1167 could have joined us if MAS had been more on the ball.

So readers, now you know what to do if your MAS flight is delayed or cancelled, or both.

MAS: Macam-mana Awak-punya System?

When that thieving scumbag lifted my briefcase from the car, he also took my diary where I had noted down all my MAS and AirAsia flight details for flights booked from now to February. I was quite sure there were at least 2 MAS and 4 AirAsia flights that I had booked. I needed to recover those details.

At the AirAsia sales counter in Changi Airport, Singapore, I told the girl dressed in tomato-red my requirements. She needed to know the number of the credit card through which I made the bookings. I gave it to her. Within 10 minutes, she had printed out the flight itineraries that I needed. I walked away extremely relieved.

A few days later, at the MAS counter in Sentral, Kuala Lumpur, I told the girl dressed in sarong kebaya my requirements. She worked on her keyboard *clickety click, clickety click*.
Sorry Sir, we don't have your name on the dates you mentioned.
That can't be; there must be at least two flights that I had booked ...
I have checked all the flights on the days that you mentioned, Sir, and your name is not there.
How about if I give you my credit card number?
No Sir, our system checks based on your name and day of the flight.
Oh my heart, my heart. I walked away extremely disturbed.

What was I supposed to do? I wouldn't mind having to buy fresh tickets, except that I woud have to pay full fares and not the discounted prices that I had earlier paid.

Then I got an idea. I called my credit card centre and got them to give me the transaction date of the MAS tickets. Then I called MAS (toll-free line) and gave them the date of transactions, and asked them for the flight details of those transactions. She asked me for the last four digits of my credit card number. I quickly recited them to her. Then, you know what? Within 5 minutes, she was able to tell me the booking numbers and other details of the two MAS flights (that the Sentral girl could not retrieve).

Aiyoh MAS, Macam-mana-lah Awak-punya System!?

Not Even 10 Cents

Cost of a new briefcase: Rm34
Cost of a new Scrabble revolving board: Rm90
Cost of replacing the side window glass and cleaning up the broken glass bits: Rm130
Frustration and time wasted on getting the car repaired: PRICELESS

Dear Person-Who-Broke-Into-My-Car,
Wish I could have seen the look on your face when you didn't find a dollar, not even 10 cents, inside my briefcase (but on the other hand, I don't think I want to ever meet you). What did you find instead? A couple of files with students' names, two white board markers, an old stapler, Berjaya ID card ... I don't suppose you will want to try getting a discount from Starbucks from that ID, would you?

Listen, instead of just throwing away that Scrabble set that you also stole from my car, why don't you give it to your kids so they could learn something intellectual and not grow up becoming a thieving scumbag like you.